Breach baby breach...
'your baby is a breach case', the doctor told my mother some thirty odd years ago. And what followed was a series of maneuvers and massages around my mothers stomach all in an effort to turn my world upside down. Just to bring me into the world in a way that was safe for my mother and me.
She, my mother, told me once that while i was still in her womb, something unexplainable happened and a feeling of despair took over her.
After my last episode of being admitted wrongfully into the psychiatric ward at Aga Khan University Hospital, there was much research and discussions about the dynamics of how and why this happens and one thing that my wife brought to the family's notice was that in some cases, the fetus that undergoes stress and trauma may develop schizophrenia. Imagine that. What do i do now? Go and smack the gynecologist that turned my world around or just live with it? Just living with it is what I'm doing.
After all, I've handled my shit pretty well and never let it hit the fan until December 2005. True, I've been depressed since the time I came out of my mothers womb crying, but that never bothered me. The lower you get, the higher you rise. Kind of like what Newton stated about things that went up must go down. Thus my manic depression and my sensitivity to the slightest stimuli around me that would trigger it. I think its bullshit that real men don't cry. I'm not fucking Pinochio. I cry. Or used to cry. I havent felt depressed lately which is something I'm still trying to figure out the reason behind.
But throughout my life I've cried. I cried when Diana died. When the first concorde crashed. When my best friends dad would beat her up. When I saw a good movie. When i saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Blah, blah and blah.
But I've been on medication. Stabilizers.Fucked up shite. So i don't feel depressed or dont lose it alltogether as I have in the past. It's allright. A mans gotta take medication if a mans gotta take medication i suppose.
Having said all this... I still don't have answers for how and why it all happened. Why the signs of this universe were pointing in the direction that they were pointing in or what it all meant. It's best to just pour it all out into this blog and vent I suppose.
And thus has started the greatest story never told.
She, my mother, told me once that while i was still in her womb, something unexplainable happened and a feeling of despair took over her.
After my last episode of being admitted wrongfully into the psychiatric ward at Aga Khan University Hospital, there was much research and discussions about the dynamics of how and why this happens and one thing that my wife brought to the family's notice was that in some cases, the fetus that undergoes stress and trauma may develop schizophrenia. Imagine that. What do i do now? Go and smack the gynecologist that turned my world around or just live with it? Just living with it is what I'm doing.
After all, I've handled my shit pretty well and never let it hit the fan until December 2005. True, I've been depressed since the time I came out of my mothers womb crying, but that never bothered me. The lower you get, the higher you rise. Kind of like what Newton stated about things that went up must go down. Thus my manic depression and my sensitivity to the slightest stimuli around me that would trigger it. I think its bullshit that real men don't cry. I'm not fucking Pinochio. I cry. Or used to cry. I havent felt depressed lately which is something I'm still trying to figure out the reason behind.
But throughout my life I've cried. I cried when Diana died. When the first concorde crashed. When my best friends dad would beat her up. When I saw a good movie. When i saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Blah, blah and blah.
But I've been on medication. Stabilizers.Fucked up shite. So i don't feel depressed or dont lose it alltogether as I have in the past. It's allright. A mans gotta take medication if a mans gotta take medication i suppose.
Having said all this... I still don't have answers for how and why it all happened. Why the signs of this universe were pointing in the direction that they were pointing in or what it all meant. It's best to just pour it all out into this blog and vent I suppose.
And thus has started the greatest story never told.
posted by two.two.fifty.nine at
11:19 PM
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